Selfish me.

YES! I AM SELFISH.
I’m selfish because I need you.
I’m selfish because I need you to be fine so that I can be fine.
I’m selfish because I need you to be happy so that I can be happy.
I’m selfish because I need you to live so that I can live.
I’m selfish because you’re the best one can get and I don’t want to lose the best.
I’m selfish because I love you more than anyone because YOU love me more than anyone.
I’m selfish because I need you so that I can have a family.
I’m selfish because I need you so that I can have a daughter.
I’m selfish because I need your presence so that I can live peacefully.
I’m selfish because I need you as you’re the reason of my success.
I’m selfish because I need you as you’re the reason behind my smiles.
I’m selfish because I need you as you’re the mind and heart behind my every right decision.
I’m selfish because I NEED YOU.
I’M SELFISH BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

---

Sorry to everyone who reads my blog. I’m very sorry guys I was busy with my final exams that’s why I didn’t read many posts of you guys. Now I’m free so I’ll try to read all the posts ASAP.😊 ☮️

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7th 27.

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21st June 2017

Read her words on her friend’s post,

Replied to her comment,

Reply turned into long discussion,

And river of my life bent,

Visited her post that she shared,

Loved what her words meant,

Shared it the very moment with my brother,

Even the book reviewer left a comment.

---

4th July 2017

Helped her with her post,

Mails started flying out of outbox,

Never used to check mails,

Became habitual of reading my inbox.

---

19th July 2017

Came on Hangouts,

To text her more often,

Friendship grew with time,

And Hangouts became its token.

---

8th September 2017

A storm broke our friendship,

Something in me made her leave,

I was dependent on her,

Now have to live without her was hard to believe.

---

24th September 2017

Few days of illness,

Ended up as medicines on my Instagram rack,

Worried seeing it,

She came back,

Never has she left since then,

Friendship was back on track.

---

27th September 2017

I wasn’t single anymore,

27th March 2018,

It’s 7th 27,

I don’t want be single anymore.

---

FINALLY!

Craving to see,

Made plans,

But didn’t work,

Craving to meet,

Changed plans,

Brother booked tickets,

I bought bag,

Packing started early,

Journey started late,

Train was running fast,

But I reached late,

Informed everyone about my arrival,

Went to her brother’s house,

Waited for her,

Finally hugged her,

Heard her voice clear for the first time,

Kissed her head,

Gave her heart,

She cooked for me,

I ate it with constant smile,

She went away for a while,

Met me again at the station,

I came with her brother,

She with her friend,

Four went to Mahakaleshwar,

Four got blessed,

Four were together,

Four were at their best,

Talked a lot but not enough,

Felt a lot but not enough,

Hugged a lot but not enough,

Captured moments a lot but not enough,

We were together for long time,

But that long time was not enough.

Amanat #2

Waiting for the moment,
To hold your tiny little hands for the first time,
To look straight into your eyes,
To cry on the happiest moment for the first time,
To hold you in my hands,
To be afraid of holding properly for the first time,
To teach you to speak,
To be overwhelmed on hearing PAPA for the first time,
To hug you carefully tight,
To feel being in the embrace of an ANGEL for the first time,
To hear about a guy,
To cautiously hide my fear for the first time,
To see you getting engaged,
To wish against your will for the first time,
To see you becoming a mother,
To hold another tiny little hand for the first time.

Previous post on my, would be, daughter Amanat.

Apology

Hi everyone. I’m sorry I wasn’t active on WordPress for a long time. I haven’t read so many posts, but I’m reading so I’ll read all of them ASAP.

Most of you already know the reason. But those who don’t, I lost my Granny on 28th December 2017. She’s my favourite person. I have spent most of the time of my 22 years of life with her.

She wasn’t having any serious problem. She had gastric issue, late night 19th December 2017. We took her to doctor on 20th December 2017. That day she wasn’t able to breathe properly and her body wasn’t making any urine which made us think that her kidneys stopped working. There was no change in her condition till next morning so we took her to MH on 21st December 2017. They examined her for 6-7 hours and then recommended for Escort Fortis in Amritsar. We shifted her there. My Grandpa, younger maternal aunt and 2 friends of my maternal uncle went with her. Next morning doctors said there are only 20% chances so I went to see her with my elder maternal aunt. She wasn’t talking now, but wasn’t looking like a person with 20% chance only. I came back before night as Mom was alone at home. On 23rd December 2017 there was some improvements so my younger maternal aunt decided to come home next morning. We decided that she’ll take rest for one day and we’ll leave for Amritsar on 25th December 2017. But grandpa asked to rest for another day and come on 26th. So we went too Amritsar on 26th December 2017. She was finally talking. I was so happy. I met her for 5 minutes maximum and she was talking all the time. I was supposed to come back but Mom asked me to stay there and come back next day. I stayed and went to meet her for 3 times in ICU. On 27th December 2017, I went to meet her early morning. She had vomited and nobody had clean it. When I stood next to her bed she asked me to be careful as she vomited on the floor and asked me to give her water. I didn’t give her for the first time as doctors recommended not to give her much. But she was extremely thirsty so I gave her a little. Then I sent my aunt inside to meet her. They were a little worried but things were not seeming that bad, so they sent me home to help Mom. As I reached Pathankot railway station I got a call from my uncle’s friend asking me if I’m still in Amritsar. He was suggesting to shift granny to Mohali, Chandigarh. I told him that I can’t take that decision so ask Mom about it. When I reached home everyone was worried. I didn’t understand as I left granny talking properly and doctors were talking about so many problems and told us that there are only 5% chances. Next morning, on 28th December 2017, her heart shrank and she left me crying. The one who used to tell her, with lots of confidence, that I won’t cry. After that my maternal uncle was available only on 28th December 2017 because of some reasons that I can’t share here. After that day I was busy helping everyone and doing all the rituals. So, this is what happened with my family. I used to love messing with my Granny 😊…

Life of my favourite person

I love him,

He loves me too,

We never told each other,

But we know we do,

We fought countless times,

But he never slept without talking to me,

I did everything for him,

So does he,

His eyes didn’t cry,

Coz he’s a MAN,

But I know he cried a lot,

Coz he’s MY MAN,

Leaving this mortal world,

I saw my family crying,

Collecting my bones from the ashes,

A part of them dying,

I died in ICU,

Begging to see and touch my caged son,

In chains he came touched my mortal body,

But my senses were numb,

Now I’m sitting in a plate in my own home,

Waiting once again for him to come….

Caged

Caged she was,

Her own hands turned the keys,

Locks she never opened,

Never let herself free,

---

Tired of trying everything,

Nobody could ever succeed,

She’s a book of emotions,

Nobody could ever read,

---

Breaking her shells,

She’s making her way out,

Used to hide in dark,

Now standing out in crowd,

---

Still afraid,

Her body shakes,

Not letting her soul go back,

No matter what it takes.

Carpe Diem

Lost in past,

We found each other,

To make our lives elated,

We need to be with each other,

Made some promises,

We won’t break,

Physically so far,

Our eyes crave,

The day we’ll meet,

Deep lost in the ocean of eyes,

The moment will come,

Making us realise,

Separation is knocking on the door,

Let us live this moment,

As God knows when will we meet again,

Only God knows how long this distance will cause us pain.

Special thanks to Suraj for his contribution.

The Dark World.

I like scared hearts,

Fear is my meal,

A drop of blood is enough,

To seal the deal,

You can’t betray me,

And your soul will be mine,

You can’t break the contract,

Or everyone close to you will be dying,

Do as I say,

I’m the GOD OF DEATH,

Stand against me,

And face my wrath,

I’ll give you everything you want,

And snatch everything comes between you and me,

The world might be run by the GOOD GOD,

But your world will be run by me.

Yeah I know it is somewhat related to Ghost rider movie.

Suraj

Lived nine months in a different womb,
Because God blessed another mother,

We aren’t related by blood,

But he definitely is my brother,

Talks like elder,

But younger he is,

Sometimes he feels low,

And my heart sinks,

Always tries to save me,

And I never listen,

But when burnt hand cries,

His ears always listen,

We are too close,

Have a different level of connection,

Unknown faces see us,

And give a weird reaction,

We have different families,

Different are the mothers,

I love him and he loves me,

Because we are brothers….

Suraj is a great guy with a great heart and beautiful soul. And DAMN! he’s handsome 😊😂. He‘s my brother from a different mother.